plumb.

aer plin cu saruri de plumb .

reactii otravite cu saruri de plumb.

pana si visele sunt de plumb.

un Bacovia uitat si o poezie "Plumb"

si o frica de plumb ce ma intepeneste.

sentimente desarte si uite-ma asa de ignoanta ca si cand as fi constuita din plumb.

dar totusi si eu invechesc si frica ar trebui sa piara ca o piele ce naparleste.

mi-e inca somn.

si...astept in continuare sa rasara soarele pe strada mea..

EQ.

http://www.psychtests.com/tests/iq/emotional_iq_r2_access.html

aseara m-am apucat sa-mi termin cartea... de cat timp ma chinui.. dar timpul in genereal ma omoara. vreo 100 si ceva de pg mai am.. si voi ajunge si la final. pana la bac sper sa am timp. 

gasisem la un moment dat o referire la acest test. am vrut neaparat sa-l fac. si trebuie sa fiu sincera cu mine. m-a cam socat.. dar uitandu-ma mai bine si meditand asupra problemei pana la urma .. recunosc...ceva de genul asta sunt. 

e cam trist. daca inainte mai mergea parerea asta mea cu ignoranta persoanei mele, acum par a fi un dezastru public ce am nevoie de lectii sa relationez. daca nu-mi ajungeau cei 12 ani pe care vreau sa-i fac pt medicina, acum se mai aduna si astia sa invat cum sa traiesc. cine se gandea ca e asa complicat sa fi om?

o fi asa.. , nu o fi... hell knows. deocamdata o sa ma chinui cred alte dati s-ami gasesc un profesor si sa-mi fac temele pt sporirea realtiei mele cu lumea , mediu. Ce om disfunctional sunt. cat la fun cat.. mai la misto. poate ar trebui sa fac ceva cu sentimentele mele. si deasta e aici "foaia asta" ca si schita exacta.
acum le voi pune asa cum cad si ele din cer. out of the blue. say hello to the rain of feellings.

em.. dau bir cu fugitii....

mai bine scriu alta data . 

(chicken)

Sample Results of the Emotional IQ Test About Emotional IQ Full description of what the test has measured, how to interpret the results and the applications the results may have on your life. Results of the Emotional IQ Test   Overall Score = 74 Behavioral aspect = 80 Knowledge aspect = 66 Emotional insight into self = 85 Goal orientation and motivation = 97 Ability to express emotions = 86 Social insight and empathy = 79 What does your score mean? General EIQ  Includes overall (your score = 74), behavioral aspect (80) and knowledge aspect scores (66) There's some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that your Emotional IQ is quite low. In a practical sense, this means that you are not reaching your full potential. Low EIQ has a negative impact on all aspects of life such as relationships, your emotional health and level of motivation. As a result of your behavior, others may view you as being critical, inexpressive, inhibited, detached, cold, or even condescending. Your difficulties relating to others and dealing successfully with your own emotions may have a negative impact on your health; people with lower EIQs are prone to anxiety, depression, excessive guilt, aggressiveness, low self-concept, and stress-related problems. Chances are that you also have difficulty bouncing back from life's problems. Now for the good news: by learning and practicing new skills and more effective ways of dealing with people, you can significantly improve your EIQ. The benefits will be numerous, including stronger relationships, a more successful career and better health. Most of all, you will be an all-around happier person. At least part of the reason for your poor performance on this test is that you don't have the knowledge necessary for the full development of your emotional intellect. There are, in fact, actual priniciples of emotionally "smart" behavior that you can learn and apply to your day-to-day life. And the good news is that it's never too late to start learning, whether you scored low or high.. Make some effort and it will most certainly pay off in the long run. Emotional insight into self (you scored 85) Your score on Emotional Insight was relatively low. People with such a score are generally out of touch with their own emotions, and sometimes fail to recognize or identify their true feelings (they feel them at the physiological level but cannot verbalize it or conceptualize them). They may have problems pinpointing the underlying reasons for their own actions, which could potentially lead to miscommunication in interactions with others. They may also lack the ability to make themselves feel better when upset, angry or sad. In addition, people with this profile tend to have a low self-esteem, occasionally lack self-control in certain highly charged situations and experience difficulties bouncing back from life's setbacks. While there may be an advantage to rational detachment from their own emotions - that it softens the pain (at least for the moment) - it also has a serious disadvantage; they may not be able to enjoy positive feelings. Goal orientation and motivation (you scored 97) You had an average score on Motivation and Goal-orientation. People with such a score generally possess an adequate amount of intrinsic motivation and self-discipline to work towards goals - but they could certainly benefit from more. They may sometimes get overwhelmed when faced with obstacles or lose their incentive easily. This may be a result of a need for external reinforcement (like praise, frequent encouragement) and irregular internal motivation (personal satisfaction over reaching goals), which makes it more challenging to stick things out in the long-term. They may also experience the occasional difficulty delaying gratification or sometimes choose the easier route to reaching a goal. Individuals with this profile may do well enough to succeed up to a certain extent, but have the potential to achieve even more if they find ways to increase their drive. Ability to express emotions (you scored 86) You had a fairly low score on Emotional Expression. People with such a score have difficulty handling strong emotions, both in themselves and in others. They generally don't feel comfortable expressing their feelings, and are unsure how to communicate those feelings to others even when they wish to. Individuals who are unable to express emotions are often overwhelmed when faced with emotional situations, like other people who are distraught or upset. In fact, this lack of comfort can even include an avoidance of expressing positive feelings and interacting with anyone exhibiting any strong emotional reaction, good or bad. This often results in repression of feelings and pent up emotions that can lead to anger, sadness and emotional distance from others. People with this profile generally don't ask for support, and attempt to ignore or rationalize away their emotions. They often feel like they need to protect their integrity or ego by hiding what they consider "irrational" emotions. They tend to put on a poker face (perhaps as a type of defense mechanism), but they may not realize that others can't tell what they are feeling. While they may actually be very sensitive, they could come across as cold and uninvolved. Social insight and empathy (you scored 79) You had a low score on Social Insight and Empathy. People with such a profile typically have difficulty recognizing the emotions of others and thus cannot respond adequately. They have difficulties understanding the underlying motives behind people's actions, which may hinder their social interactions - they respond to the face value of behavior and are likely to misread and react to the "wrong" interpretation of the situation. They find it difficult to put themselves into someone else's shoes and see the situation from another person's perspective. This tendency can make them a bit narrow-minded and set in their ways. When other people behave in a way that is very different from their own, they just don't get it. These people should not be assigned to function as negotiators without extensive training. They are not generally empathetic or "in tune" with how others are feeling, lack social insight and may have some trouble making meaningful human connections. For individuals of this nature, it can seem that other people's reactions come out of the blue - they cannot anticipate what's coming and are therefore forced to react on the spot.  Summary of your results The following is a condensed list of your results on the test, summarizing your Strengths (elements you had a high score on), Potential strengths (elements you had a mid-range score on), and Limitations (elements you had a low score on). Potential strengths  *These are the aspects of the test that you had a medium score on. With some work, they could become strengths. Medium level of intrinsic motivation and goal-orientation. Limitations  *These are the aspects of the test that you had a low score on. You could improve them by gaining the necessary knowledge and putting in some effort. Overall low emotional intelligence. Behavior not generally emotionally intelligent. Restricted understanding of which behavior is most emotionally intelligent. Lack of insight into own emotions and low emotional control. Difficulty expressing emotions and dealing with emotions of others. Low recognition of other's emotions and motivation behind behavior; low empathy.

ochi. Ingeri. sentimente si vise.

am promis o descriere si uite aici. Nu garantez ca va iesi bine, eu doar imi fac datoria si incerc.

 

La origini era o foaie ca oricare alta, dar era printre primele mele foi din noul bloc A3 cumparat. Ma simteam ceva mai libera cu atat alb disponibil sa-l umblu cu idei de-ale mele. Sa-mi schitez acolo stari, sentimente.... si nu in ultimul rand era ca si o oglinda sa-mi vad degradarea sensului.

Nu am desenat niciodata din fericire, fericirea imi place sa o tin pentru mine si sa nu o exprim decat prin imbratisari si... multe alte imbratisari. Astfel.. plansa ajunsese singura modalitate care imi capta mintea si ma elibera de toti demonii care salasluiau acolo in voie. Avem zile, defapt seri cand tot ce faceam in afara de a asculta muzica era sa desenez. Desenam enorm, si in ore, si in cel mai neinsemnat minut pe care simteam ca-l pierd. Mintea in perioada aceea era mult prea chinuita cat sa se descurca singura cu oceanul negru de incertitudini si cu raurile de ganduri ce taiau din ce in ce mai adanc fiinta. Ingerii, diverse ipostaze ale ingerilor, ale ingerilor cazuti, in metaformoza lor spre demoni.. ingeri si ingeri si iar ingeri. Nu-mi pot explica aceasta predispozitie.. dar nu am avut timp sa stau sa ma gandesc la ea. Facea ceea ce imi dicta inima. Curgeau raurile gandurilor asternandu-se in sentimentele exprimate prin corpul ei, pozitia ei si ochii. Rar lipseau lacrimiile fiindca nici eu ca si creator nu mi le puteam abtine. 

Dupa cum spuneam... ingerii erau all around. Unde era alb insemna ca exista ingeri sau ochi. Punctul culminant al starii mele a fost pricinuit de o zi total anapoda. Fuse primul vis dintr-o serie de 3 vise care vor picta realitatea de a doua zi. Si era putin cam trist sa te trezesti in mijlocul noptii cu chinul pricinuit de cosmar .....ca sa vezi a doua zi ca imediat dupa ce povestesti visul.. se si intampla, lasandu-i pe toti cu gura cascata. Acelasi loc. Aceasi fuga. Aceleasi haine. Aceleasi persoane... . Atunci am simtit nevoie de a face si altceva. Ingerul nu ma mai ajuta.

Gasisem o poza la care ma uitam de mult timp... si imaginea imprimata acolo mi se potrivea de minune. Am incercat sa o transpun... doar conturul ca apoi gandurile mele sa umple golurile ramase. Zis si facut. Rochia albastra ca cerul de toamna si cu cateva dungi de albastru pal, contrasta puternic cu carbunele aplicat ca si culoare al parului ei lung . Statea ghemuita si tot ceea ce iti capta atentia erau ochiii, speriati, mari cu o imobilitatea marcanta. Parea urma a unor chinuri interioare imposibile , ducand o lupta crancena cu ceea ce era real si incapacitatea ei de a accepta lucrurile asa cum sunt. Era insotita de un paianjen ce cobora pe o plasa subtire dintr-un trandafir ce sustinea rama. Se vroia partial tablou, existand doar jumatate de rama. Marca clar prajul realitatii de cel al imaginatie. 

Era singurul desen care imi lasa liber atat de mult sentiment. Se citeau senzatiile ca si cuvintele intr-o carte scrisa lizibil. Nu existau sanse sa gresesti. Chiar din cauza asta o uram atat. Era prea aproape de adevar, prea aproape de mine, prea aproape de ceea ce eram. 

Doream sa devin persoana fara sentimente. Mi se parea groaznic ca le ai ca sa te chinui cu ele.

Doream sa le ingrop, sa nu mai simt. Sa devin altcineva.... 

regret totul. eram prea emo. dar ciudat ca fara acele sentimente desenele nu mai existau...

e bine sau e rau.. nu-mi dau seama. M-am schimbat oricum. Incerc sa ma accept. Desi e greu sa traiesti cand esti jumatate in umbra, nestiind ce vei gasi.

ps. numai descriere de desen nu e. genial :|

formule.mate.

disperare = speranta - sens

pana si aici am ajuns sa avem formule.